Breaking Skye
by snarkysweetness
Summary: Can two broken people, neither of whom knows how to have a family, start their own?


**Title: **Breaking Skye  
**Author:** snarkysweetness  
**Rating:** PG-13  
**Pairing:** Skye/Ward  
**Summary:** Can two broken people, neither of whom knows how to have a family, start their own?  
**Warnings:** Angst.  
**Disclaimer:** I own nothing.  
**Author's Notes: **I've started a bunch of Skyeward fics since the show began and I hope it's alright I'm finally getting around to finishing and posting them even if some of them are a bit outdated. I dedicate this to Kendyll because I am evil and enjoy watching my friends cry over our mutual ships.

"This is ridiculous, you know? You and me being scared of-I mean come on! We've dealt with worse. You still deal with worse. This is nothing compared to aliens and nefarious plots to take over the world and top-secret government agencies trying to kill us." Skye attempted to chuckle but it sounded false even to her ears and she knew Grant well enough to know he wasn't buying her bravado. Fact was that she was terrified. She'd never been this terrified in her entire life. Sure, she'd come close, like the day she'd discovered this was going to happen or the time she'd almost died, but now that it was here, staring them in the face, knowing they couldn't back out?

All Skye wanted to do was hide away in her van but she couldn't hide, not anymore. It was time for her to be the grown up and it scared the shit out of her.

Grant reached out to link his fingers with hers and she attempted, and failed, at a smile. He was still the same man she'd fallen in love with, only somehow better. And she should feel comforted by the way he looked at her, like she was his salvation, but she wasn't. Even his bare chest wasn't helping.

Her eyes moved to the source of her anguish; all seven pounds and six ounces of her. Schuyler Avery Ward lay between them, fast asleep, with her fist wrapped tightly around one of Grant's fingers while quiet snores escaped her tiny lungs.

How could he just be comfortable around her? He had no problem holding her or carrying her or doing anything. Skye had yet to touch her since bringing her home. She was terrified. What if she hurt her in some way? Dropped her? Held her too tightly? Banged her head on something? She had no idea how to do any of this. She couldn't be a mom. Skye Ward with a child was a cruel joke.

Skye didn't know how to have a family. S.H.I.E.L.D. had been her only family and it wasn't exactly the best role model for how to raise a child. Like most orphans she'd always wanted her own family, a child that was hers whom she could give the life she'd never have. But she didn't know how to do this.

She was a mom. Who had allowed this to happen?

"You just take the dive," he whispered and she shot him a glare. Oh yeah, he was the one to blame. He was the one who had walked in all sexy with his washboard abs and soulful eyes and seduced the panties right off of her. Of course, she'd also agreed to marry him and to keep having sex with him, but it was his fault. It was his sperm that had done this. She'd been with plenty of random guys and never had to worry about a baby until he'd come along and made her fall in love with him.

"She's a baby, not a pool," Skye snapped, knowing it wasn't really his fault but his eyes were laughing at her and this wasn't funny. She was going to ruin their child, she knew it.

He shook his head with a sign and sat up. She followed suit, her side numb from laying on it for too long. "What are you-" Grant shushed her and carefully lifted the sleeping baby into his strong arms. Skye bit her tongue, not wanting to wake her.

"Hold out your arms."

She shook her head violently. "I can't-"

"Yes, you can. Just like in the hospital. Come on, you can do this. You've already done this."

"I was high on endorphins at the time-"

He met her eyes and she sighed. She scooted closer and allowed him to place the baby in her arms. She stopped breathing for a moment as panic coursed through her. She focused on the baby's face. She had Grant's nose and her eyes and a full head of black hair and Skye smiled. She was beautiful. And precious and perfect and-

Tears filled her eyes. She never wanted to let her go. It was like the hospital all over again only this time no one was going to take her away from her. Not now; not ever.

"It's not easy for me either," he whispered. Skye tore her eyes away from the baby and gazed up at him. "She…" he sighed. "I'm in awe of you. You've…" Skye smiled. Grant had always been overprotective and his life was about control. He'd never been able to control her and now there were two women for him to worry about. He was just as lost as she was.

"It scares me that I might lose one of you or both of you. I know you wanted to keep working but I'm glad you decided to stop being an agent. If something happened to you…" He reached out to touch her cheek and Skye leaned into his touch. "I need to know that whatever happens, you'll be here, for her. She deserves to have at least one of us. I don't want her to grow up the way we did."

Her fears all stemmed from knowing she didn't know how to be responsible for another human life, which wasn't exactly true, she'd been responsible for keeping others safe at one time. But his fears…he wanted to do better; to _be_ better. Better than his father. Better than his brother. To protect them the way he'd never been able to protect his siblings. But he couldn't see himself the way she did.

He was so much more than they could have ever been. He was a good man and he was going to be a good father. She was just happy he'd outgrown being too stubborn to discuss his feelings with her.

She leaned in and pressed a kiss to his lips.

"She won't. She's already got more than we ever had. We're already good parents."

And that's when she knew they could do this.

"Skye?" Grant nuzzled his stubbly face against her neck, tearing her out of her dream. Her eyes were filled to the brim with tears and a small sob escaped her lips when she realized she'd been asleep and none of it was real. Her heart ached with the void of what she was missing.

She turned to find Grant watching her, sadness lining his features. She knew she had to be a frightful sight; she'd been crying for hours. She threw both arms around his neck and kissed him furiously. He and Antoine had been working an undercover mission when S.H.I.E.L.D. lost communication. She'd been terrified that she'd lost him, even going as far as to break down in the middle of the control room. She didn't even remember how she'd gotten into their small, shared pod. Garrett, maybe, he always seemed to look out for her when Phil or Grant were gone.

Skye pulled away and wiped at her eyes.

"I was so worried-"

"I know, it's okay," he whispered, pulling her close. He tangled his fingers in her hair and she fought off a fresh wave of tears.

"No, it's-" Skye spotted the negative pregnancy test she'd so carelessly left in plain view moved from the spot where she'd discarded it. She closed her eyes and knew that was why he'd looked so forlorn. "I'm sorry," she explained. "I thought I'd lost you and-"

"I know." She'd promised to wait for him but when it looked like he wouldn't come home she'd desperately needed something to grip to. Grant held her closer and she clung to him, trying not to think of her dream or their conversation before he left about how they would handle this.

"It's not like we were ready anyway," she whispered, knowing it was a lie but needing to combat his disappointment, or maybe even her own.

Grant pulled away and pressed his lips to her forehead before resting his own against hers. "Yes, we are."

Tears spilled from her eyes as she remembered her dream and she nodded. They could do this, she knew that now, which made the knowledge that it wasn't going to happen, that all of her worrying had been for nothing, so much harder. "We are," she sobbed before burying her face in his chest.

They didn't speak. She didn't ask him about the mission or if he was injured. He didn't try to make her feel better with words that would do nothing to mend the pain in her chest. Instead they held one another while she cried for the family she so desperately wanted with him and feared she would never have. How long would it be before one of them left on a mission never to return? She couldn't delude herself into thinking it would finally happen before things fell apart. And even if it did there was no guarantee their child would have both parents. That was the reality of their line of work.

"Come here," Grant whispered after what felt like hours. She allowed him to pull her towards the mattress and buried her face in her pillow while his arms wrapped around her protectively. When Skye closed her eyes visions of chubby, rosy cheeks filled her mind and she pulled his arms closer to mimic the illusion of holding the child from her dream.

"It'll happen soon," he promised and she nodded numbly. She wished she could tell him she wanted out. That she could erase them so they could start new, to be a real family. But the greater good came first and even if she could walk away from this life he never could, that wasn't the man he was, and she wouldn't love him any other way.

"It'll happen," she whispered, wishing she could believe it, but they both knew it was a false bravado. They were both broken, waiting on the pieces they needed to glue themselves back together, and she just hoped they could both survive long enough for it to happen.


End file.
